coming back, 2007

flying over new mexico
above the second sea level
clouds,
soft cursive
fleece rising
up out of
mauve
and lumps
a second sea
level, a blur
of foam
and one line-
crayon
for a moment

the city at night
little my city bright
and i am coming
down in

a letter to owatonna,
the monsoons are here
dust floating
around

dreams in the middle
he was scratching her back
and her arms the sound
too loud
and my brown dress
too short
my bones not showing
enough in my knees

i didn’t expect people to keep me
while i was out there
yawning on trains.
i remember daniel.
splinters.
we are growing a vegetable garden
and reading milan kundera.
vertigo
being buried,

kirsten says
“i don’t want to hold something
that when you hold it
it dies”

dreams he is
kissing my knee

eventually

000027

000002

don’t forget india.

unpacking,
water stains
things i don’t remember
getting wet.

now, baths
hours
of extra skin
reading about vietnam
world war two
(an attempt at
intentionality)
wondering what
i’ll write in letters
this winter wondering
why i can’t make it home
for kirsten’s wedding if
i would have been
a bridesmaid and what spring
in california
is like this year
and storytelling-
i am making this
up my
narrative
outgrowing
your own character
sometimes
that happens
palms up, steaming
(knowing)
i am full
of something powerful.

exchanging
companions.
now, just big shy
sidewalks
without plants
stalls carts and where
are all the people
scents
and songs litter
animals-
now, it’s quiet

now, victorians
carved in pairs
with porches,
gates overflowing
rosemary

but mostly i’m cold
i don’t have the right clothes.
i am not ready for
autumn in april-
everything’s backwards
and all i have are kurtas
and two pairs
of thin socks
but there are things
returning-
like groceries
shelves an
address a laundry
basket,
keys
the most ordinary
dear things they’re
coming back

lists
and getting started
i’m a toss
in the night dreams
and twists
and aches on hold
i still can’t
really let out
holding air
waiting,

this transition
of body
and after a while
the rest,
eventually
following

los angeles, 2007

rachelkirsmetro

melancholy play
hollywood
metro, sierra villa
park and ride
lolita

los angeles, 2010

kirstenbig

meganpregnant2big

ARVE Error: The Vimeo endpoint located at http://vimeo.com/api/oembed.json?url=http%3A//vimeo.com/14513042 returned a 404 error.
Details: Not Found

 

steve picks me up
grey toyota, hair
coloured
of california daytime.
sirens loud,
surrounding.
to highland park, ash
street, to megan’s stomach
stretching to hold
something round, like
the sun’sĀ 
inside.

baby names –
elouise or pony.
freaks and geeks
potato salad
pinkberry

late mornings, afternoons
i think, hymn
california – cotton
woods, juniper
golden hills, everything
dry, but ripe how badly
i wanted to leave
four years, two years
ago, now sitting
looking around missing
it all

bending 110 freeway
taco trucks
citrus

we are driving to altadena
wind blowing the hollow
in my ears, and the one story
bungalows pass
like a filmstrip
with wind chimes
and tiredĀ paint.

cheese store of silverlake
the little alley of fairbanks
place, a place
of her own, a breakfast
nook, cats, something
stitched, big red
poppy, leaning
against the wall.

a patio, a view
you can even see
the hollywood sign.
the front room is dim
a record playing
couch low, we sit
and she tells me
in a maroon dress
what happened
her weeks
on heroine.

outside it is bright
she is shading her eyes.

meadowlarks
small sorrow
pilgrim
enduring
recover
sequoia